Help with a husband that has a Narsisstic Personality Disorder?
After finally doing a lot of research and asking a lot of questions and going to counceling myself, I have finally figured out what has been going on with my marriage of 3 years (relationship of 20 years). Now…..I’m stuck. Here I am…married to this N and I have found out that a really good friend of mine loves me completly and unconditionally. My friend is the "perfect" guy (to put it easily) And yet he’s still supporting me and behind me in trying to make my "marriage" work as long as that is what I want. My husband (N) is always "guilting" me into taking him back or staying with him. I know I shouldn’t let him, but….I just can’t seem to help it. I’ve known him since I was 8yr old….we started dating at 14…..he married someone else out of high school….and we always kept this "connection". I’ve always believed – alone with many other people and family that know him – that if anyone could make him change or realize that he needs help, it would be me. I’m not able to do it this time. He’s never been on meds for N and has only been diagnosed for depression/anxyety. Until my doctor mentioned something to me at one of my sessions with her….I had never even heard of Narcissistc Personality Disorder. When I started doing my research online about this….I couldn’t how much this was discribing my husband. I guess i’m looking for advise and some "knowing" how to stick to my "guns" when I tell him that I can’t go on with this marriage anymore. I can’t do this to my kids anymore either. It was my 12 year olds birthday this weekend. He asked me to please not let him back in the house for the rest of the weekend until he went back to his dad’s because he doesn’t want to be around him – he’s scared of him. He wouldn’t even help me unload the groceries from the car last night because he thought my husband would jump out from behind something!!!!!!!!! I need to cut the "bond" between me and my husband……..I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO IT!!!!!
Tagged with: 12 year olds • 3 years • dad • depression • good friend • groceries • guns • i can't seem to stick to my guns • marriage • meds • personality disorder • relationship • sessions
Filed under: Online Dating Marriage
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Don’t blame your husband for your shortcomings as a wife. Your husband isn’t the issue here, YOU ARE. He’s been with you for 20 years and then now all of a sudden you magically realize he has a disorder and complain about it. Conveniently, you’ve fallen in love with a friend and want to leave your marriage. Take accountability for your actions and get over yourself. Do your husband a favor and leave him–going behind his back and emotionally latching on to your "friend" is a very sneaky thing.
I fell asleep reading sorry
It’s called a divorce. Go to the county courthouse, and ask for the papers and file the petition yourself. If you are poor, they will waive the fees. Life is not a dress rehearsal and the only person you can change is your self. That’s a 24-7 job in, and of, itself. Best wishes to you.
If your kids fear him, it is probably time to leave. If you cannot tell him you are leaving in person, then just leave. Call him when you are away. As you probably already know, because of his narcissism, he will not take this well, but, I am sorry to say, it is the best thing you can do for yourself and your kids.