some days are better than others. like right now for instance, not a good day.
Was with my ex for a total of 7 yrs…engaged the last year of it. After on again off again (mistakes he made on his end= betrayal) He came back full throttle to commit on a serious level- so much so that he would drive 365 miles to visit me for 5 months straight just to spend 2 days with me in his quest to win me back. He eventually apologized to my Mother & Father for his unfounded, immature behavior in how he had treated their daughter (me). He reasoned with them and explained he wanted to make me his wife.
While we went to therapy- and i founded in my heart to forgive him, we tried to move on from his mistakes…in the past and all throughout the relationship. His goal was to put everything on the table in hopes that he could turn over a new slate and start fresh.
After almost 11 months of this—positive behavior, he proposed to me and I lovingly and purely accepted. I waited almost 6 years for this…indeed it did happen.
I agreed to move to another country (at the time he was working there also a citizen) and planned to immigrate while we planned a wedding.
This is where is gets… really really sad. When I moved up there, everything was going well for the first 3 months- However, I did noticed he seemed on another page when it came to wedding plans (just seemed disinterested) and then he never wanted to discuss plans about our future (tangible plans-like baby, budget, house, etc.) I was always the one to initiate discussion. When it came to his only request which involved merging "legally" he mentioned a pre-nup… I should have known this was a red flag! As time moved closer to planning our wedding, I asked him countless times if he could help fill out the "couples questionnaire" for the wedding officiant… i asked so many times it ended up being a battle. then came wedding invites…his alternative to saving money on the wedding was to e-mail invites to 200 guests -the only suggestion he even gave.
At this point-I noticed he seem disinterested and it really started to depress me. Then out he came with- we should cancel the wedding. He said were not getting along…and this is suppose to be the happiest part. (mind you-I have a ring on my finger, a venue booked, a dress bought, etc) he tells me this 8 months into the engagement. Then like clockwork-he seemed relieved and when I threatened to leave because of this… he cried and begged me not too. I listened to him and wanted so badly to believe his intentions were pure and he really wanted to work on "compromising." I stayed and waited and waited. And as I waited he expected me to bounce back back as quickly as him- (not so much) In fact, I started to resent him. I felt as if he was making excuses- then I started to pull away and then he did. Then I would try to move closer-then he would pull away.
Eventually- He called me to tell me he was sleeping over a friends house and was planning on drinking. I advised him to be safe and not to drive. Funny thing is- next morning he came home and looked…well like his conscience was eating at him. The moment I felt this(i have felt this before) I asked him if he did something that I need to know. He looked me dead in the eye and proceed to say NO then kiss me. Afterward hopped in the shower and seem "in another world." That very same day we were suppose to drive to the border and finalize my immigration papers. Before we left- he told me that he was with another girl the night before. Here I am- a state of complete numbness while I am hearing this. It was like deja vu all over again,
After a 6 hour walk by myself- I told him I was leaving him and proceeded to say "Thanks this just confirmed everything"
As I left a week later- I left my hopes, my dreams, and everything I wanted to build for the last 7 years. He took all of that away from me.
A year way from him- he still contacted me told me he missed my friendship.
Year 2 was actually harder-the shock value wore off and reality set in. I actually ended up missing him more than ever. We spoke briefly during this time and I once again fell into the ridiculous trap of getting my heart broken all over again- as he told me that his work will send him to the Czech Republic- my heart cringed and again-despair came over me. I politely asked him to end communication with me as it effected me way too much-as I still had love for him.
He just recently contacted me in September- wishing me well.
I can’t understand this person-? Even when I am not with him- I still am deeply enveloped.
I miss what we had- I miss the fun- the adventure- our commonalities. I had never in my life time been in love with someone as much as i was with him.
Now we are just strangers- Why does this pain heart so bad……. Why?
And is he thinking of me the same as i think of him?

Me and my boyfriend of 2 years just broke up Friday. We’ve always been really happy (we’ve argued over dumb pointless things of course but we’ve never gotten in a fight and broken up) So he broke up with me in texting Friday..really randomly. Thursday we were just talking about our 2 year and everything was so normal. He was giving me hints to what he was got me..(being sent to him in the mail he just ordered it this week) and everything was so happy. we we’re taking pictures and went out and hung out. Friday i was really sick so we didnt see each other. It was in texting which i said if we were going to have a serious conversation that could change our relationship (i got the hint that he was going to do this by the way he was texting me all of a sudden) that it should be in person or at least on the phone. He said he wanted to in person but i was sick and didn’t go to school. What theres no after school all of a sudden? He waited to do this till 9 oclock.I offered that we talk saturday morning/afternoon but he refused. And he refused to talk on the phone and ignored my calls after i called a couple times. Then he said if he didn’t do this now in texting, that he’d never explain to me why he was breaking up with me and our relationship would just end without me knowing why or anything. Which is really unfair. So i said fine. And he broke up with me and said hes not happy with the relationship anymore..we have been fighting lately but because hes starting a new job..my grandfather just died..my whole familys stressed out and trying to handle things. Things were finally getting in control and settling down and he randomly does this. Why would we be so normal less than 24 hrs before and then this? He ordered me a gift in the same week and then this? We talked in person today but i didn’t get many answers and im still left confused..well not really. I’m thinking its another girl that he likes. But i have no proof only lots of signs showing this. I love him with all my heart..we’ve been through a lot together. And today we hugged and kissed for the last time and said i love you and he said he wants to be really good friends with me and he just wants to be single for a while. I handled it pretty well during the break up. I told him i want him to be happy..i really do. Just things are still really hard for me to get used to. I ended up breaking down at work and i can’t concentrate on anything and he keeps confusing me. He puts things like how sad and ashamed he is as his mood on myspace and then puts in those bulletin questionnaires "if someone asked you out would you say yes" and he said "if the right person asked" and "if someone liked you right now would you like them to tell you" "if the right person told me". And theres a lot of other signs that aren’t just over the computer that i feel this. He says he loves me..he still wants me to wear the ring he gave me..i love him so much and i hate to just throw this away ..but i think we’re both confused..or he’s just being a jerk and telling me what i want to here so he can act like he can move on and be happy and i won’t bug him..we have classes together and he still wants to be bestfriends and everything. But yet he said he deleted everything from myspace but he said he still wants to hang out…i’m so confused..and i really just wish i had someone to talk to. I’ve talked to my friends but they just want to get me a new boyfriend, and i’ve already been asked out twice and i’ve only been single for a weekend! I don’t want anyone else though, i love him..is it possible to love again? I feel like i’m going to feel like this forever. And guys do you think its another girl? The sudden-ness of it and signs..or is he confused?
Holy crap i didn’t realize it was so long! Sorry!